Fortress safe and secure

Proverbs 14:26
Whoever fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge.

This verse is on a tattered index card taped behind the sugar bowl.  I saw it again this morning as I scooped mine into coffee.  Yesterday I had fever and aches and cough - like all the other people in my county - so I sat on the couch.  My children schooled themselves and fed themselves and we waited for Daddy to finally come home from school to take care of us.  He texted me to say "don't watch the news, don't let the kids see."  As the cold chill struck me, I answered "uh, we're doing science not news, what??"

So, after Daddy came home and sent me to nap, I got to pray and think.  We're safe.  The same safe we've been.  We live in the same wretched world that we did last week.  There has never been any security for us in the guns Daddy keeps near or the country home or the Ohio address.  Our security comes from a Sovereign God.  He is our secure fortress.

Last week our Voice of the Martyrs magazine came and before I could tuck it away from little eyes, my 3-yr-old asked why the little girl had a hurt arm - and why was it short - and was she sad?  Oh yes, I told her, she is very sad.  But look, she's a precious girl just like you!  Little and soft and see her pretty brown eyes, do they look like Mommy's brown eyes?  And that satisfied my Anna.  But not my 8-yr-old Ruby.

For Ruby there must be answers.  And the answer is that sin and evil live in the hearts of men, in each of our hearts.   Without the Christ, to clean our hearts, the sin and the evil rule - and this precious little girl in the picture lives in a village where bad people came - they came to hurt the people there because they didn't want to be Muslims.  So we prayed for the little girl to be healed and not afraid and to have a strong heart.  And we prayed for all the children in the world who have fear and hurt.

And later last night, while dinner cooked (oh thank you, dear husband), we 6 cuddled on the couch.  Daddy gave the terrible report and my kiddos eyes got very wide.  They have almost no school experience - except that every day their Daddy goes there to "teach the kids".  Schools, to them, are dinner conversation and a fun place to visit Daddy.

We had the conversation again - sin and evil rule in the hearts of men - but there is hope.  Where horror and fear rise up, the hope is still greater.  Here is the question I ask my children when they tell me their terrible fears:  "what if that did happen, then what?"  And the answer is Jesus.  Jesus would take me to heaven.  Jesus would take you to heaven.  Jesus would give me courage.  Jesus loves me and so if I was hurt, he would help me not be too afraid.  I asked Jesus to clean my heart, so I know He did, so I know I could be brave and I would not be a bad guy.

That is our secure fortress, for surely the sin and evil are real, but our King has a fortress in which we can hide.  We have a future with Him, no matter what horror today brings.  And we have hope for tomorrow - there is always, always redemption.  What is meant for evil, is turned miraculously into good.  We are safe.

When my kids are afraid, they cuddle closer.  They whisper, I love you, Mommy.  And that is what I do with my King, in His fortress, I cuddle closer, I whisper "I love you, I need to be closer, thank you for tucking me in" and I draw my children close into His fortress.

Egg Nog and Turkey

Two things my family has been talking about. 1) that yummy turkey, wish there was still some left. 2) when are you buying more egg nog? don't make it, the home-made is gross and lumpy.

So, for number one. The turkey really is awesome. And since my friend Betsy asked for it, I'm sharing!

Best Turkey Ever
Collect these supplies:
2 big bags (I use kitchen garbage bags, tried others, they broke)
Ice Packs
5-gallon bucket or medium-sized cooler
One Turkey - I've used up to 19 pounds

Combine these brining ingredients in a large kettle - bring to boil, stirring until sugar dissolves.
2 quarts unsweetened apple juice
2 1/2 cups brown sugar
1 cup kosher salt
4 ounces fresh gingerroot, peeled and thinly sliced
15 whole cloves
6 garlic cloves, crushes
3 bay leaves

Stir in 3 oranges, quartered and squeezed
Turn off heat.
Pour in 3 quarts cold water and let your brine cool so you can handle it.

Prepare turkey (rinse and inspect), then carefully double-bag it and set into your vessel (5-gallon bucket or cooler). Find some children who can hold the bag open while you pour the brine over the turkey - without dropping the bag and losing any!!

Tie the bag tightly and either put in a cool place or pack with ice-packs. I work hard to get the turkey submerged in liquid so I don't have to touch it for 18-24 hours. If it isn't submerged, you'll want to flop it over mid-way so all that turkey gets good contact.

18-24 hours later, gather your volunteers so that you can haul the bird into your sink for a good rinse. Discard all brining ingredients. Pat dry, rub with oil (mine got a coconut oil massage), place in favorite baking vessel. Cover for first half of the baking. Brined birds cook faster - so expect that and check the internal temperature about 2/3 thru your cooking time.

Let bird rest for at least 15 minutes before slicing. Try not to ruin your appetite by eating all the turkey as you slice it. Oh yum.


As for eggnog. We are eggnog lovers. We buy it thick and dilute with whole milk - b/c that makes it last longer and deludes us into thinking it's healthier. I tried to make my own last year. Yuck. Lumpy - something to do with the egg-cooking. Raw is too thin and frothy - also yuck.

But we had victory this week. Yum. Not quite as sweet as store-bought, but that can be remedied.

4 cups of milk (save 1/2 C to dilute egg yolks)
4 egg yolks, well beaten, stirred into saved 1/2 C milk (save whites)
2/3 cup white sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
Heat on medium, stirring well until it thickens to coat back of spoon.
Remove from heat to cool.

When cool, whip egg whites to soft-peaks. Fold whites into cooled eggnog (adds great thickness).
Add vanilla and nutmeg to taste. Add half/half or whole milk get desired thickness (I used raw cream - oh my!) Refrigerate until serving!

Baked Oatmeal Breakfast

When Anna was born, my Mom baked a giant batch of this baked oatmeal and she served it to me throughout the day. Anna was born at home and one of my lasting memories of that most-lovely time is of my own Mom - she'd appear in my bedroom doorway with yummy food and a big grin. My Mom got to catch Anna - isn't that cool?!

Baked Oatmeal Breakfast - this came from my dear Aunt Jackie in Maine. I love it.

2 C oatmeal (old-fashioned)
1/3 C brown sugar
1/3 C raisins
1 t baking powder
1/2 t cinnamon

1 1/2 C milk
1/2 C applesauce (unsweetened, homemade or not)
1 egg
1 T oil

Combine dry, stir in wet, pour into oiled 8" square dish. Bake at 375 for 20-25 minutes.

OR, this doubles nicely into a 9x13. My mom always added finely chopped (or ground) almonds, dried cherried, chopped apples.
You can also omit the sugar and substitute 1T more applesauce for the oil.

Serve hot with milk (and syrup or sugar).

Sticky neck

One of my favorite things about cooking with Anna is my sticky neck.

She helps me mix and knead and measure by kneeling on a tall stool.  Or she climbs up to sit on the counter - precarious with my piles being scooted off by her wiggly self.  We just finished mixing the granola up and she was licking the "splatula" clean and scooting a pile of books off the counter.  She screeched because I forgot to give her a bowl-full of raw granola (always her preferred way to eat it) - but I made it up to her with the whole bag of raisins instead.

Who, me?  I'm not sticky!

Reaching back to clutch at a knot in my neck, waiting for the timer to ring for the granola, I discover a smear of sticky brown sugar and honey on my neck.  Anna loves me so well.  It's so nice to feel the print of her sticky baby fingers on me.  They are losing their soft pudge and today she counted all the way up to 9 cups of oats (well, except for missing 6).

Tired and Grumpy

I suppose it is a problem, all these deep breaths and sighings.  Usually a good indicator that I'm being foolish and strong-willed.  My kids are doing that tender, expectant, don't-make-eye-contact dealy where they patiently wait for mama to give it up and ask forgiveness.  Baaah.  I'm so stinkin fallen.  Fallen in a pit of work-till-I-crack.  Fallen in a pit of "does-anybody-see-this-mess?!"  Fallen in a pit of stinking thinking like my kids and husband are supposed to be serving ME dinner and thinking of what MOM wants to do.  Ha, kinda makes me laugh now.  They always so sweetly say "oh yes, I do forgive you, and I love you so much" - just like You, Jesus.  I'm so thankful for that.

Well, the tomatoes are done boiling.  I should go to bed so I can wake up and finish this by starting fresh-better tomorrow.  Jesus, meet me there.  I'll be the bleary-eyed one begging you for a few more minutes before the sweet ones wake up.  I'd like to meet You on the couch for coffee, and then again in the garden, please.  Preferably before it's 90 degrees.

Why do I home school

A sweet friend asked me for my top 4 or 5 reasons for home schooling as she considered options for her marvelously brilliant young boy.  So here's my response to her, for your reading pleasure :) I do not know why the fool-background color.  I cannot fix it.


yikes.  That is stressful - as I've not entirely convinced my husband of the obviousness of our continued schooling at home.  It's so obvious to me.  Why shove our beloveds into the mad crowd of schools, not when they have Mom's and Dad's who are capable and motivated and the resources are LIMITLESS!

I have a friend you might speak with.  She has a brilliant son who basically smart-ed out of public school - they just couldn't hold him down any longer - he ended up schooling himself (as many home schoolers do when they get up into middle and high school - my Peter is basically teaching himself Latin because I can't keep up with the memory work and so I'm only useful for elaborating on the grammar rules for him).   Her second child was struggled mightily and they tried lots of options and so this crazy wonderful mom is now an expert is some reading/teaching method and consults with people.  Point: she'd love to express the value and possibilities of educating a brilliant boy child from home (like yours!).

Our children were designed to thrive, to learn, to go get after their life-purposes.  Our jobs are to empower them, give them boundaries and opportunities, protect them from harm (physical, spiritual, emotional) and make them ready to do battle victoriously in life and delight in giving glory to God through their work.  Woooo hoo!!!  I get so excited.  I listened to a radical seminar the other day - he said that he teaches his children to read so they can devour the Word of God, to think so that they can decipher it and the teachings of man, and to write/speak so that they can be ready with an answer that makes sense for those who ask.  Yes!!!

I home school my children so that

1.  They grow with wide-eyes-open awareness that all we say and do in life is shaped by our worldview and that we can distinguish the motivations and worldviews of other people.  There are differences and they are important.

2.  To shape their learning to their distinctly created selves - each have amazing strengths and differences and they will obviously learn best when the ratios are in their favor (4:1 is pretty nice, though I'd vote for 10:1 if Kevin would just jump on board ;)

3.  Time is limited - we only have minutes and hours and days before we send them off as adults - let's not squander.  The traditional school day wastes HOURS of their childhood that would be better spent at play (mine were insistent that the stuffed animals MUST play The Great War (WWI) NOW, not after I finished our history chatting - that is awesome, I think).  We learn much while tromping through the woods and doing chores and helping each other.  Chores and school work and family life are not separate - our lives have beautiful unity of purpose - it's all really valuable.

4.  I don't trust other people.  They mean well, but they teach what they know (whether they are a 7 yr old peer or a well-meaning teacher) - and when it all comes down, God holds US accountable for how we instruct our children (Deuteronomy 6) and not the US Dept of Educ or the Church.  Also, the Bible calls children fools - and we all know that they are, that's why we don't leave them alone together for too long :)  So, while it is valuable to learn how to socially navigate, it is not valuable to do peer immersion.  As adults, we choose who to hang with, some adults choosing more wisely than others.  Children are not equipped to do this.  Studies show that a child can rarely resist a marshmallow on a table for a few minutes - they certainly can't resist the allure of their peers or the teachers they long to please.

5.  I adore my children - I'm greedy for them - we have a delightful time together.  It thrills my heart to hear their responses to Emperor Nero, to the drastic difference between Mary Poppins the movie and the novel, to the way the dog "played" with our brown chicken, and to the last birthday party they attended.  I want to walk with them through their childhood, help them to avoid missteps and identify hazards and delight in overcomings together.  It is a high-calling and I welcome that exhaustion.  Oh, to be all used up by loving my husband and children - not a bad deal.  

My husband asks "and what if something happens and you can't?" Well, there are plenty of terrible what-ifs - and we'll deal.  And we'll do our best in that situation just as we ARE doing our best in this one.  That's irrelevant.  We must choose based on today's resources.  So I think you should LEAP in.  Goodness, I've used enough capitals??!

You are welcome to come out and spend the day devouring all my resources.  I found it very helpful to immerse in a few households I admired - it gave me a starting place for buying and planning.  Children are organic (right?) creatures - so the plan must be malleable, seasonal even, and it helps so much to have families you admire to turn to in process.

What am I doing?!

Ha, ha.  That's a funny title.  If you shout it with incredulity, that makes it better.  I'm not, for example, sleeping.  That means the "plan" I'm about to record will not be so smoothly administered tomorrow!  What I'll write is how we homeschool now; it's changed a lot.  I think this is the first year that I really get it: it is my responsibility to educate these children, God is watching, period.  I don't much care what the state has to say, God's standard is, uh, a lot higher.

I learned this year that my learners like to have a list.  So they each have a little book with their daily tasks in it - including chores, music and funny things.  It occurred to me just yesterday that I could write funny things there - and sweet things like "Peter, your diligence is blessing our whole family - thank you for noticing what needs to be done and doing it."  He blushed and dutifully checked that off his list!  Oh how I love him.

For the first time, I made a big chart with each big book/subject listed and all the weeks of the year and it shows me if I am sticking to it enough to finish it this year - it gives me big-picture so I know whats at stake if we blow off a day or week and then I can be accountable to the plan I prayed about and ought to implement.

For the first time, I went away by myself and prayed and prayed and prayed and read through my resources and sorted and made a year-plan for our school.  I guess having a 1st, 2nd and 4th (plus a delightful 2yo!) brought me to the precipice.  Winging it got too scary! (I did not, I did not wing it before, that sounds bad.)

So, what do we do.  In Kindergarten, we learn to read and discover Math is awesome.  My kids have used Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons and Singapore Math (just started with 1st bc they played math enough to be ready - Ruby did "school" as play and finished some K stuff)  In First Grade - we add History (Truthquest - love, love) and Science (Apologia creation series - all pleasure) and we do those on the couch, all together.  And some other stuff like Latin, piano, violin, map stuff, cursive, copywork, spelling stuff, drawing, singing, guitar.  Not all at once.  Come see me if you want more detail there.  This year we went nuts on Math and they are all 3 doing different (Singapore, Saxon, Life of Fred).  Through the years we've done an assortment of pray/read/memorize attempts - without much consistency.  I seem to have an enemy who is stealing my Bible time - but they all do reading time in their own bibles each day and whenever they want to - that started when we discovered our favorite Bible ever.

A normal day:
6 am I get up to read/pray alone or with prayer partners (our dad leaves before now)
7 am Boys wake to do exercises (per Dad) and shower; girls get jostled awake.
Kids do animal chores while I make breakfast/shower (ha! this is when I'd exercise)
8:30 do Bible study all together (hurray for Bible Bee sword study 2011!)
Kids start on lists and either work independently or with Mom - at the kitchen table or couch or wherever they can focus and not distract each other.
10:30 Dad calls, I remember I should go load wood burner. (or, I have kids going, I get in shower, silly child comes into bathroom asking if I want to talk to him while I shower?!?)
Mom makes bread or preps dinner or does other chores/food (and generally try to distract my learners)
1:00 I notice we haven't eaten lunch and I haven't loaded the wood burner.  Fix that.
Kids get mad and finish whatever they haven't
2:00 Kids are deeply immersed in playing - so much so that I forget to send Anna to bed until I see Kevin drive down the driveway from school (where he is a "real" teacher).  The hours until bedtime are a blur - don't know where they go.  We play and eat and work around the house.  It's good to be together.

I rarely make their lists in advance, but I take big chunks of late-night time to do library book-requesting (for pick up window) and re-routing plans gone wrong.  Everything else we do together, as we get to it.  I also use late-night hours to either re-fuel with blogs and books and to put my Arbonne business into order so that I can grab quick moments to make calls during the day (I shove them into the nooks and crannies and pray they don't derail our focus).

Feel like bragging?

I'm parked on the floor in front of my stupid smoking wood burner.  Why, oh why, can I not keep it burning.  It burns me up when my husband comes home and announces it is out.  Feels like the rest of my day's accomplishments just got canceled.
So, I'm bragging to my blog.  Because the only people who read this anyway are people who understand that I like verbal affirmation and they don't care if I brag because they like me so much that they even like my bragging.  So there.
Today I did a lot of things.  I'm going to make a bulleted list, for my own enjoyment.

• 3 loads of laundry (including the delicates load where I found the suit that I was a little freaking out about having lost - how exactly did I lose a suit? I thought I did.  So glad I have a washable suit.  It is very, very cute on me and also washable - so a huge victory that I found it.)
• Put away 6 piles of clothes in my own bedroom (a pile is defined: "as tall as you can stack without falling over" - so another great victory), including my husbands clothes partly.  That was very nice of me, I even hung up the shirts that he can iron.
• Purged an entire full garbage bag from my closet (I hate putting clothes in garbage bags, but because I do not shop, I have no nice bags to put them in) (including 8 bras? that was amazing.  How-ever do I have so many that do not fit me? Well, I guess it's attributable to pregnancy, nursing and the remarkable weight loss that nursing causes in me.  I kept 3 extra cute ones just in case the "milks" have some miraculous transformation.  Ha - not likely.)

Short break for cursing (in my head since beautiful 10-yr-old sympathetic son is watching me) at the woodburner, poking and prodding the stupid log that was seriously in flames just 3 minutes ago, dusting the stupid woodburner dirt off my knees and back to my stupid perch on the not-even-cozy (but at least I scrubbed floors yesterday for the first time since spring maybe) floor in front of the stupid woodburner.  Sorry about all the stupids.

• Ground the flour and baked an entire decent-looking loaf of bread.  Ground more flour and have rising another loaf's-worth for dinner's pizza crust.  Planned carrots/dip (oh yes, Kefir cheese ranch dip from yesterday's impressive list) and salad and maybe grapes to go with the one measly pizza that we will too-fast devour without some kind of side dish.

Short break to roll the offensive log to the back and stack a little boy-scout tripod of kindling onto the inept glowing coals hiding underneath.  I think I shall use only kindling.  I hate logs.  Forevermore I will just sit in front of this woodburner, load it with tiny sticks of flamable kindling and read blogs about other people's accomplishments and deep thoughts.

• I took a shower - with cute girl almost 2.  I had some clear thoughts in there about my business.  Hopefully I will remember them when I'm done venting here and maybe do them.
• I administrated independent-workers aged 10, 8 and 7 to do the work on their lists and be happy about it.  I fed them breakfast and lunch and read them a beautiful chapter of Pollyanna upon waking.  Got everything done on their school lists except the science notes I did not dictate to them.
• I drank 2 cups of coffee.  I ate a real lunch and an inadequate but wholesome butt-of-bread breakfast.
• I read a chapter in a good book to myself this morning and prayed a little bit during and after and since.
• I turned on an old CD in the kitchen rather than blowing my top in the kitchen.
• I called 4 people on my list and left 4 messages, while folding laundry.
• I remembered that almost-2's need naps.  So what if it was 3:30 and my husband already home, dang it.
• I cleared my calendar to better fit hunter's hunting schedule, got a nice thank-you for that.
• I remembered that I need a sitter 6 nights from now and actually procured one before the night-before - this is a new record in sitter-planning for me.

OK - fire barely burning but I'm feeling a little better.  Thanks. 

Idol Worship

Before I get into it, you could see what we were doing last weekend here.  She chronicles it better than I :)

In the meantime, I've been grappling with idol worship.  Yes, I think so.  You see, as I drove to and fro from Arbonne events this week, I've been listening to Doug Philips of Vision Forum.  He made a little passing reference to the idols we set before us, even as we come seeking the wisdom of the Lord.  The idols not made of stone or wood, but in our heads - set before our minds and hearts to worship and consume us.  And then, too late, I lingered on the computer last night - getting some sweet nourishment from Ann and Bam! there it was again.

Now, I'm not so orderly or wise as Ann or as Doug.  But I know the truth which sets me free.  It is for freedom that I have been set free.  Freedom to worship and obey and live abundantly.  My abundance is characterized by grace for small children; energy for dinner-cooking; delight in couch-cuddles; vision for ordered meal plans and lesson plans and business plans; peaceful sleep between squalling babe and late-night girl-in-my-bed visits; cheerful bread-kneading, clutter-clearing, laundry-sorting, Arbonne-calling, irregular-showering!  That's my abundance!  

My idols woo me toward grumbling, spewing, scowling labors - my burden heavy and angry and blaming.  My children cower as the wellspring of my filthy-flesh-heart overflows all over them.  Blech.  I cower at the shame when the phone ring and my grumbles flip to a sweet "hello?"  Faker.  

So last night I knelt in the dark at chair (with a pile of laundry upon it) and asked for forgiveness.  God, melt my idols down into a puddle of useless laundry-worship and controlling-everyone.  I choose you, Jesus.  You can author my day, order my precious day.  Make peace of my pieces.  My laundry and meals and school books and calendar - they all remain.  Redeem them, Jesus.  Fill my cup with sweetness and grace so that as it is jarred and bumped today, I'll spill YOU all over.

swimmingly

We're not going to the pool again. It's over. OVER! (I am shouting.) Get over it. You can still have a fabulous time outside after school has begun - it's even more fun actually because you feel the time go by and treasure it. I'm tired of shaving anyway (ha!).

Just in case anyone wondered, I do not have it all together. I was quite encouraged reading my blog tonight - have to read it since I'm not much writing it, eh? I needed that. It's good to read about longings for simplicity and about a daily schedule. These things are a balm to my fuzzed-up-thinking this week. It's that same fuzzy thinking that has me still-awake tonight, would be much wiser to be in the bed sleeping myself into some better sanity tomorrow.

Jesus - hear my heart's cry. Take away the unnecessary things, focus me in on the precious. You know my heart's desire is kissing soft baby parts and reading stories and soaking in these children; creating clever things to sew and doing cooking experiments and reorganizing shelves and declaring "I have a dinner plan"; yanking weeds and giving flowers room to breathe. I am tired, I need rest - multiply my energy and patience tomorrow. Help me to do what I ought and hear what I should and inhale deeply and be peaceful in my clutter.

Tepid Coffee

I should have known it was cold when it didn't burn my leg. But I was too busy being exasperated and irritated (Peter says "at least you weren't indignant". Isaac says "what's indignant mean?". Peter: "I don't remember. I just know it isn't good.")

We haven't accomplished much school today. You can tell by it being 10:31 and I am typing on my blog rather than hearing someone read or reading to them. I'm eating my fourth protein bar (does that mean I don't get to eat lunch?) and my now-hot coffee is going down smoothly while I ignore my children.

Ruby flopped down to read her last phonics lessons and made my coffee splash. She flopped because it was the third time I'd asked her to sit. I want to justify my eruption of temper and declare (in an indignant voice) that my jeans are wet! And my coffee is cold! And it's not my fault, you foolish children!

My kids were dutifully repentant while I ranted. But they thought it was funny (I could see the twinkle in their downcast eyes) as I indignantly dried the splashes and said "now I am going to drink this coffee in peace while each of you does what I say instead of whining for an hour and then complaining you aren't done!" And then my coffee was blech (bletch as Isaac says) and tepid. And their eyes twinkled. And darn it, (yes, Anna learned that lovely, feminine phrase from me) I laughed!

Praise Jesus. Not 10 minutes earlier I had grumbled at the sink: why, oh why, Lord. why do I ask you for grace overflowing in the early morning and then spend my later morning overflowing with irritation? why do I pray for my husband and kids and ask for your power and love to flow out of me and then dump grump on them?

Thank you Jesus for their twinkling eyes, overflowing grace to their mama. Thank you for laughing, giggling, cackling kids who find their mama's cold coffee hilarious (vengeance is mine, says the Lord!) and forgive me so quickly. Thank you for grace overflowing.

Ruby, will you forgive me for overreacting about spilled coffee?

Yes, Mommy.

hearing things, tuning

I am amazed at the things I hear. I have a weird buzzing that breaks into my thinking - always think it is my phone - but most of the time its nothing - paranoia? And as I sit here in the lightening morning with all of my kids still sleeping, I swear I hear the baby's distant "maaaaaama" in my ear. But I checked and she is still tucked in with blond wisps curling damp against my pillow, thinking that warm pile of down is her mama. My ears are tuned to the sounds I must consider important, eh?

I tell my kids to tune their ears to my voice. They are my children and there will rarely be any other voice as important for them to hear. My voice should break through into the cacophony of their play and imaginings, should burst through like a cymbal - and without me having to shout. How can I protect them if they don't hear me? How can I lead them and instruct them and help them if they ignore my voice. Hear me, children, because I love you!

Tune my heart to sing Thy praise ... and my ears to hear your voice, sweet Lord.

simple is better

I have a plan forming in me each time I pray and get quiet about school. It is calling me to simple. I have these precious learners to lead. And I am only me, filled up with the powerful God-Spirit and flailing with flesh-weakness, so the Simple is calling to me. (Forevermore I shall capitalize the words I wish - just as Winnie the Pooh does. Some things are Important Things and the capitalizing helps you see that I think so! Good idea, A.A. Milne.)

I type fast, the light is growing outside so I'll soon hear thumping down the stairs. I feel compelled to write this down in words so I don't forget and get muddled later. My life is not OVERwhelming. It is possible to do the things set before me because God has a plan for my days and He will do it if I will surrender and be still and listen a bit and bravely step into it.

I am eager to make lists and calendars - for maps and history and latin root words and copywork and math facts and patterns. Our little schooling house is a wonderful place to live. It is less daunting when a path rolls out before me. We can get clever and stop to lap up the sweetness of a day when the simple path is clear before us. Ah, here comes someone thumping down the steps.

to be fair ...

Just to be fair, Ruby is again sleeping in the boys room. Not to avoid any late-night squawkings of Anna; rather, to be fair. Last night her dear oldest brother offered her a squeezed in spot in his bed so she didn't have to sleep on the floor (like the last time I "trained" Anna to sleep at night). And she slept great, except for the pesky cold legs of a nightgown-wearer ("even with your warm brother?" "yes, mom, even with my warm brother").

And tonight she sleeps with Isaac (the sleep-walker) - what will he do if he wanders and then comes back to find his tuck-close 6 yr old sister in his spot? Who wants to bet I end up sleeping with a 7 yr old boy instead of Anna?

Just to be fair ...

focus, focus ... and sleep

What a funny title for me to choose! I think of this word and its friends: discipline, faithful, obedient, purposeful. Ahhhhhk! oh, I feel a little weary - but also invited. Don't you want it?! Don't you want to plunge purposefully into today? I type fast - soon someone will wake and I'll be dipped in the day - no turning back.

Thank you for this dark morning alone - I love the bright of my light inside when the dark is like a closed curtain at all my windows. And the light creeps up outside so slowly that I hardly can see the line of snow on the dark railing or the shadowy fence-posts standing guard in our freezing white field. My coffee is gone and the muffins (yummy from Grandma's). My babe sleeps on - a miracle.

I am teaching Anna to sleep this week - trying to prepare her for 4 nights apart from her mama - for her benefit and my own mama's. What do you do when a baby not-your-own cries in the night for her mama? Oh, you surely cry, too. I cry just thinking of it. Job-of-mine, you better be worth this crying. But, I will be back - and I am praying, praying out of my greedy-for-warm-baby-touch heart that Anna will greet me with her soft pawing (soft when I trim those poky nails!) and insistent "more"-word. Yep, I am greedy for her.

Night 1, she wept and wept. I reminded her that her drink (ugh, cold and hard in the cup) was near, her baby doll close, a mound of hand-love-crafted blankets to roll into. She shouted her frustration, wept her lonely sorrow - we didn't start Monday well-rested. But after her surrender and a few hours of collapse - she welcomed me with her morning sweetness. "Eye" and "Nohn" (nose) and "honk" (pinch nose like her papa Forrest - passed down by her bigs) and "pat, pat" on her mama's back - always start the morning with a display of your favorite tricks.

Night 2, one early waking babe through my haze of sleep. The insistent jabbering turns from "mom, mom, mom" to up-on-tiptoes at the other end: "ruBEEE? ruBEE?" What? she is asking Ruby for mercy. I jump from my bed. "Have mercy! Mom won't help me, maybe my sister will. Where is that big sister, anyway?" (sleeping soundly on brothers' floor - far from the sleep experiment) Now, squeezing hugs across the crib rail. "Nyo, nyo", turn my little soft face away from that drink cup - I'm not thirsty, just hug me. I showed her the blankets, showed her the baby doll. "Time for sleeping, time for night-night. I love you." She shouted, flopped, flailed and I kept my focus, pulling the door softly behind me - just a sliver, momma-crack to peek. She burrowed and slept. Thank you God, that was much better than Night 1.

Focus - today we will do that little scoot that (all 5 squished and comfortable) bodies do on a couch - wriggle deeper into each other and the couch cushions - read together, pray together, focus together. While the snow comes and we thank both our Fathers (thank you for my lumberjack husband, Lord, who labors long to keep us warm) for this cozy place together.

Time to wake my babes. Thank You, for the grey sky morning, brightening in my window. I take it. How I love you, Lord, you give me all that I need and ever so much more.

How many days to build a habit?

Working on establishing some new norms here before we break for Christmas. Maybe if I "say them out loud" I'll do better at being faithful? Because, you know, the systems rely upon the mama - if I'm not all-in, they crumble.

Mama wakes up at 6:30 (if it's Monday, I pray by phone with Jess!! Very nice way to start the week). Do anything I want to do until 7:30 - drink coffee, read Bible, pray, start laundry, read Holy Experience, fill cups with warm milk and Ovaltine (how did this habit start?!) as the kiddos trickle down. Do NOT check email or go anywhere near the laptop. Texting husband is permitted.

7:30 -wake kids and remind them they have until 8:30 to do Breakfast chores (teeth, clothes on, beds made) and Animal chores (chickens, cat, dog) and be fed. Commence cuddling them (fully knowing this is where we get off schedule entirely). Meanwhile, I wash dishes (um, bc evening routine is missing that key part) and get laundry lass (that's what I should call that hulk of a wonderful machine - hardest working servant I've ever had!) moving and grab a shower maybe. Yeah right, while I cuddle them? Well, sometimes you have to just make hard choices and be thankful you work from home and can look scruffy. Oh, and think about dinner - just think on it. Maybe that will help it become a reality.

8:30 - thank God that they are getting tall and can almost feed themselves. Finish feeding them and convene on the couch for official Cuddle Time: reading out loud (doing some Holling C Holling right now - back to missionary bios from YWAM after Christmas), sing a hymn together, review memory verses. Then get Peter started on his Advent study (so he can have the fresh bread-of-life for us at lunch) and write his list of work for the day (so he can check things off). Keep Ruby at the couch for reading lessons while Isaac starts Math or Explode the Code or cursive at the table. Keep working, being mindful of who needs my focus so they don't get entirely distracted while they wait.

11:30 - say "let's stop for lunch". Now, I still seem to not be actually feeding them until 1:30 (argh, bc daddy returns home hungry at 4), but this is going to get better. We have until 12:30 (in my plan) to Eat, talk about Advent study (we are loving this!!), finish chores and maybe even play. Finish chores: Kitchen, Floors and Bathrooms - 1 area for each big kid. This is brilliant - I haven't decided if they are static and the kids just march off to do - or if I give them daily delights in each area. We'll see. But my kitchen, floors and bathrooms feel happy about this.

Today, we switched areas from last week - so we did a little "mature conversation" practice that went like this (entirely scripted by me):

Isaac: Ruby, do you have any good ideas for me about cleaning the kitchen?

Ruby: Well, one thing I know, you just have to work in life. It's just life. You just have to do it.

Ruby: Peter, do you have any good ideas for me about cleaning the bathrooms?

Pete: Ruby, sometimes we don't want to do chores that are hard. But if we just do them, then they are done and, actually, they hardly take any time.

Yes!!!!!!!

Ok, back to the plan. Finish it all up after lunch, be done by 1:30 or 2. So, in reality, we are still racing to get done by dad's return - but goodness, did you see all that house-help getting done and the glorious responsibility sharing?? I failed to mention that they get a check for each chore done for the day (Breakfast, Animals, Kitchen, Laundry - oh I forgot to describe laundry). Laundry means you delivered to me your dirty and you put away your clean. Look out baby Anna, your day is coming! And each check is 10cents. And no pay if you have a bad attitude.

That's my plan. I have a one-room schoolhouse! With a very entertaining toddler. Better than I ever dreamed (or could have asked or imagined)!

no pictures

I have no pictures to post. They live on in my camera. I should be sleeping - I'd be more cheery in the morning, for the long, long day I have planned. Too long. Full of good things, but too much rushing.

Our small group friends lost everything in a fire today. That terrifies my children. It rather shames me, to consider all that I have and what it would be to lose all this stuff. Loose me of my stuff, Lord!! It constrains me, strangles me, irritates and grumps me - even as I crave more!!

I gave the walls chickenpox, per Peter. I spackled (is it spackeled) every dent and scrape and now the walls are comical. You might say they need to be re-painted, not just touched up. When spilling chocolate milk under the microwave, I found more scraped paint behind. It never ends. And when, oh when, did I think I'd be painting? Spackle, done. Sanding, wiping, painting? ha! Last time's spackle remains - that was at least 2 years ago. Comical.

I feel cynical when I blog. (That is the trend when no kid pics are involved. Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.) Not cynical, but bothered by the disconnect between my earnestness, my cravings for more holiness and my busy-body reality. I know I make a difference, I influence my family and many others - but, ahem, do I tread on holy ground and do they safely tread along behind and beside me.

I was baffled and honored when my business partner today said "I tell people, I met this girl and she has everything I want, so I thought I should copy her". She's talking about me. Good grief, Lord!! Be glorified, puhleeeeeze! Help - someone is blatantly following me - help them, protect them - how I pray that she will copy me straight to You, Jesus!!

Tomorrow between school and lunch appointment and groceries and birthday-party-readiness for Rube and Arbonne party, we hope to uncover all the things in our house that would be better at our fire-friends new place to live. Pray for us. Pray for my children. I need to go to bed so that we are sweet, generous and spirit-filled and not grumpy. Lord, why can't you set the emotional tone for our day instead of me? That is a mystery to me. I don't like having that job.

New daily hymn for morning cuddle time: I need thee every hour. Oh yes.

I love slings

You can see in the previous post, I had a sling that I loved. Pretty blue paisley. My long-lost first-babies sling. I loaned it out and haven't remembered to whom. It's gone.

I made one during Ike's baby days. I first learned that slings were necessary when Peter was sick while I was big-prego with Isaac. I couldn't hold him for hours - so I tried the sling a la leche league friend has passed to me. I remember walking on our old-house deck, back and forth w/ Peter on my hip in the sling, wonderfully not breaking my back, with his leg wrapped around my big belly.
Not pictured: the first sling I made (blue with teeny green leaves) and the water sling (horrid itchy fabric that I picked b/c it was mesh-ish for wearing in Myrtle Beach with Baby Ruby - didn't work b/c if felt icky).

Then Jessica and I had a wonderful sling-making day with our cute kids. Sorry, Silas, about that funny hat. At least you weren't wearing the white boa scarf.

Wish I had a photo of us working - we were awesome and Jessica's sling is a looker. Mine is a happy ring sling of black and white - perfect accessory for my business partner (anna) when we are doing our Arbonne work!

Unfortunately, before I got it totally done, I was struck with a fit of impulse. While poking about online, I found a beautiful pink paisley pouch sling at Rockin Baby and lay on my pillow that night thinking "why did I just buy a sling? I am making a sling. Ugh, why oh why?" Well, because it was too beautiful. I didn't (can't say couldn't, but didn't) resist.

Smile, smile!

It's a contest to get her to smile. We love it - it's like she says "you are wonderful and I love you!" every time she gives us her smiles. And oh, when she talks?! That's better than ... the Grand Canyon? better than fresh snowfall? It's life-pausing. We really like her.

baby smiles and other tricks

Anna is full of good tricks today. I think she is finding her hand. Her fist actually. She studies it very intensely and then she moves it to the mouth, away, to the mouth, away. And she does wonderful slurping during the to-the-mouth part of the game. She can even do this new trick while she hiccups! She is the hiccupingist baby I've ever had (and I've had 4, you know). I think there is a video here - I think it worked.

Today at church we learned that we need God. We need to not be satisfied doing our own lives, His plan is much better. Ah, yes. I know this. But I keep doing it my way. My grumbling, striving way. I sleep too late (no, I'm not being hard on myself. 9 is too late for anyone, even someone waking up all through the night.) and I hustle and bustle about - not stopping for my family's most important feedings - mine.

Tonight Anna hollered - not normal. She is usually quiet or hiccuping or breathing funny (sigh, breath, sigh, breath) or sleeping or eating or whimpering (whining, as Ruby calls it). Not screeching. Something was amiss. So I burped and patted and Kevin changed her twice. So feed her, right? I should have listened to that little "don't do it - she's not stable!" warning in my spirit. God loves me so well. Nope, I let her nurse until she was completely, dreamily asleep. Ha! Then she grinned so sweetly when I laid her down for the bedtime and dipe. Cuddled in so sweetly when I picked her up. And aaack - all over my carpet. I hate that. And yes, doused her mama and the crib. Everything. So we started over. My headache actually feels better after scrubbing the carpet - elevation change or something?

Good night. We have to start school and normal life again tomorrow.