I just needed you

Today was not a pretty day for my princess. She screamed - the kind that makes that feedback sound in your ear and must surely cause long-term damage. Something is amiss. I insist that it is because this is no sort of normal. Absolutely must be something amiss.

From my quiet office sanctuary tonight, I heard the crying sound (how quickly I'd forgotten that sound - of crying-in-the-night - because these days I sleep all the night through - what a short little time of life that waking time was - I think I even miss it) and Daddy's sleep-gruff voice saying "she's downstairs, Mommy's downstairs".

I find her tangled in half-mast footie jammies - it's hard to find your way back into those even when you are such a big girl that you can navigate the middle-night-wake and find the bathroom. I love to hold this warm little girl body and help her shiver back into those jammies and scoop her up and help her find the still-warm spot in her flowery girl bed. "I just needed you, Mommy"

I didn't handle things "right" when she did her screaming tricks today - I didn't give her a consequence, I didn't make her ask forgiveness of the friends. I talked her down. Why are you screaming. "because I'm mad and sad" If you stop screaming, I will hold you and help you feel better. She took a deep breath and arms lifted up. Her manners are intolerable, but she stopped screaming and kicking and flailing and we both won (she got to hang onto my while everyone else cleaned up and I got to make our escape with some hearing left). Mercy.

Remember when she was this little size with her self-trimmed hair barely growing - and the same softest cheeks to press against mine. She just has me conquered - how am I supposed to give her consequences, God, when I'm so wooed by this lovely creature!?!